For guys like me, and a lot of you, there's something almost sexually compelling about the idea of a 577-horsepower, 590-pound-feet-of-torque V8 engine powering a freaking station wagon.

The updated-for-2014, five-passenger, sport-tuned station wagon is nearly twice as powerful, twice as fast and twice as expensive as the automaker's standard E350 4Matic Wagon. But that's just ...